Saturday 3 January 2015

The "good girl" illusion

Image courtesy: Google

My dear granddaughter,

As I write this, the house is in total silence; you are definitely up to some mischief. You have not bothered to slip into the pink frock mummy has given you. Your focus is on the unscrewed door knob which you are struggling to fix with a screw driver, ignoring pretty Barbie. I silently pray that in the years to come, you stay the same, doing what you love without getting trapped in the illusion of being a “good girl”.

I have talked to you about good manners, good habits and good behaviour. But I warn you, the “good girl” image that society will doggedly police you to attain, is a dangerous one. I hope you never end up being one, for it is a black hole that will suck out your dreams, vision and self-worth. You don’t believe me? I talk from experience, because till a few years back I was that good girl, chiseling out from myself my ambitions, ideals, likes and dislikes to smooth myself to fit into society’s definition of a “good girl”.

I know you’re confused. Let me explain. In my childhood, in order to be “good” I had to be subservient, suppress my loud laughter, take dance lessons in spite of my liking for sports, clean my brother’s room while he played cricket, among many other things. As a teenager, I had to learn to cook and embroider though I was not interested, take up arts in college though I dreamt of becoming a mathematician and eat only after the menfolk had eaten, no matter how hungry I was. When I adhered to all these expectations, I became a “good girl” and I thought I was happy.

When I was in college I got my first love note and once, a man stalked me passing lewd comments. But because I was a good girl, kept quiet, changed my wardrobe instead and wore winter clothes in scorching summer as I was told that women who wore skirts and sleeveless tops “asked” for rape. When a stranger came to see me with his family to seek me in marriage, I agreed without talking to him or worrying about my education that would remain incomplete. The elders in the family were pleased, they called me a “good daughter” and I thought I was happy.

Marriage too was about adjustments (to say the least) and they inevitably had to be from my side. I juggled multiple roles and was taken for granted by my husband, in-laws and even my own children. Soon I forgot my tastes in food, clothes, movies, hobbies and everything else. I blindly practiced customs and rituals, knowing too well that they had lost their relevance. I hardly met up with my friends and when I did, I wondered with guilt if my family was running smoothly in my absence. When I lost myself in devotion towards my family I was called a “good daughter-in-law” and I thought I was happy.

Now when I look back at the life I've lived, I see only unfulfilled desires, shattered dreams and a totally different me. It pains me to think that I was just a puppet, in the hands of my parents, husband, in-laws and society. I danced to their rhythm, because a disobedient puppet with a mind of its own is a considered dysfunctional and would be discarded. I wanted to be loved, appreciated and belong. So I danced when the strings tugged at me.

When I realized my folly it was too late. So here I am, a “good grandmother”, writing to set you free from the strings society will bind you with. Remember that “good girl” is a mirage, a trap, a mere tag you get in exchange for your life.

Set yourself free,
Granny



This post was written as part of the Ultimate blog challenge and Indispire 

14 comments:

  1. You have defined the definition of a good girl. After reading it, I think I also pretend as a good girl in front of family and society. And yes, I have some desires that I want to fulfill....

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    1. Go ahead, fulfil all your dreams, satiate all your desires!!

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  2. This post brought tears to my eyes. Wonderfully written.

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  3. Really very good post about "how should be a good girl".....thanks for share this.....
    from-
    amulsharma

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  4. You are too good to people till you're fulfilling their desires...Once you do something wrong , you become bad and all your good deeds get vanished...People declares any person Good/Bad based on their comfort-ability ...

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  5. True, so there is really no need to try and please others!!

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  6. Should goodness necessarily mean chiselling away anything from one's personality? YOu have left me confused now!

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    1. No it doesn't!!but the granny ended up doing it and regrets...sometimes people change themselves just to be called "good" by others, which shouldnt be the case :)

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  7. Amazing post! We all get trapped and want the tag of the good girl but at what cost? Let's be free and be good to ourselves first! Superb!

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    1. Yes so true, there is no end to the struggles we undergo to seem "good". Glad you liked it!

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